can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
