I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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