I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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