tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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