Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
