Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
