Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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