the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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