If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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