so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
