Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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