grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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