I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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