yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
