Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
