It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
