My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
