Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
