Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
