She announced her abortion via fbk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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