WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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