In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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