hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
