I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
