I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
