The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
