I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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