Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
