T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
