the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
