My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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