I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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