just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
