i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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