Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
