Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
