Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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