you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
