I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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