i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
