oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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