he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
