One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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