3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
