The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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