Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize