The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
