I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
