Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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