Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
