I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
