I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
