So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
