What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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