You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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