Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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