I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
