I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
