I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
