you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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