How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
