You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
