Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Buhtt sex?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
