i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
