Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
