READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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