What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
even my farts smell like vagina
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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