The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
