I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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