So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
