ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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