let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize