I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
