please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
