Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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