Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
