How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
