Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
