You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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