That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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