i barfeds in our rink
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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