Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
