singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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