Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
