she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize