yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
