cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
