I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
