He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
