Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
