Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize