Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
