So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
