People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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