i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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