im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
