For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize