Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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