shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
