New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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