i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
