just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
