Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
