it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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