Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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