I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
